I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
