Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
