My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
