I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
