At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
