Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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