i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
