Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
