You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
