it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
