I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
