All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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