Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
