She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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