i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
