my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
