You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
