i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
