So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
