My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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