Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
