Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
