The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
