she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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