You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
