i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
