just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
