You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
