he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
