You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
