He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
