buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
