You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
