You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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