The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
