How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
