literally had 100 drinks last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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