I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
