My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
