my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
