Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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