I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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