There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
