half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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