If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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