i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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