I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
