i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
