How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
