there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
