Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
