And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
