Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
