Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
