Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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